Art Is Dead

There's something out there that no one can name but everyone can feel.
The sensation of losing and being lost.

Happiness is a choice, moron, go ahead and make it.

She think she's struggling but she's doing fine.
He thinks he's in pain but it's self-induced.

Not every word you write is golden you stupid bitch, not everything you say is art.

All art comes from pain - untrue.
the best art comes from pain - arguable.

I don't write when I'm happy.
Happiness doesn't need expression, you can just feel it.
I'm not an idiot -
not blind -

I can see as much as you, I just can't talk as intelligently.
Doesn't mean I don't think.
Oh that's right, I forgot.
You say I don't.
95%

My boyfriend thinks the world is dying
He thinks he has to be miserable.
He thinks he's so much older and seen so much more.
He thinks he's so wise and and I'm so naive.

He's not always right.
But don't tell him I said that -
he doesn't listen to me anyway.

I write when I'm upset or thinking.
Negative emotions and thoughts need to be let out -

swallow them and you'll end up like me, searching for meaning in a world that's been drained of it for me.

Fuck you.
I smile because there's not a reason not to.
I dance in the rain.
I write my own meaning and enjoy both day and night, ice and fire, company and solitude.

June 19th

If you were a colour, what colour would you be?
Not what's your favorite colour, not what colour would you want to be,

what colour would you be?
I think Cece would be blue.
David would be red.
Kevin, grey.
Babydoll would be silver glitter.
Me, I'd be green.

There's reasons behind all of these.

Blue is a colour that does not occur in nature very often. It's rare. There's no naturally blue food; the occasional blue flower, blue butterfly, blue fish; all exceedingly precious because they're rare. it's a hard colour to find in the natural world. You don't come across it very often. There's always the sky, of course - but that's way out of reach for most people. The sky can be many shades of blue, all of them gorgeous. People lay on the grass and dream about someday flying in the sky - the ratio of people who ever reach that beautiful blue is much less than the people who stare up at it wishing and dreaming about it.

Green on the other hand is everywhere. It's the most natural and common colour on the earth. Stare at the world from space; besides clouds, all you'll see is water and green. Green is common. It's a mixture of blue and yellow and often ends up getting stuck with gross labels, like green with envy or green as sin. It's not hard to find and although it plays a big part for the planet (Go Green and all that shit!) it's replaceable, it's ordinary, it's definitely a surplus. Anyone can go outside and get something green. It's average.

Red has its own measures of labels. It's versatile. It represents so much across so many stories, fictional and otherwise. The majority of the world's flags include the colour red. It's a symbol for, among other things, power. It can represent courage, valiance and intelligence and honesty, but it can also represent evil. Voldemort's eyes, Darth Vader's light saber. Cunning and craft. The colour of blood; such a twisted symbol. A good thing but often connected with death and pain in the common mind. The colour of communism; the colour of the universal medical symbol, the red cross; the colour related with fire and hell and most forms of Satan; the colour most associated with love, and warmth, and cherry twizzlers. The colour of hope; the colour of doom. A mixed message. No matter what, though, if something's red, it usually stands out.

Grey is a naturally unoffensive colour. When something's got to be outwardly neutral, you paint it grey. Grey is often mistaken to be a depressing colour, like grey skies, or a boring colour, like describing the world in shades of grey to infer the feeling of monotony. Hell people can't even decide if it's grey or gray, both are in the dictionary and neither contradict spellcheck. And why? Because it's neutral. People often don't take the time needed to appreciate the beauty of the colour grey, in my opinion. It's a colour that maybe has more richness to it than it seems. Maybe that all other tones of it are really deep, or at least stimulating at a further observation. Grey is more meaningful than people understand. And if used correctly, in the proper dosage, grey can be the most extraordinary colour.

Silver glitter is something unusual. I don't know if it officially qualifies as a colour because there's no colour option for it on blogspot font, but for the designated party it's all that fits. I'm sure said designated party would have preferred orange or purple, but neither are quite as accurate as silver glitter. The thing about glitter is when you have something silver and glittery, you've taken something pretty and made it gorgeous and eyecatching and in the right light, filled with every colour you can think of. Paint it with glitter and it will stand out. Paint it with glitter and no one can take their eyes off of it. Paint something with silver glitter and you've got something almost too beautiful and delicate to touch, for fear it might shatter under your hands. The problem with things sliver and glittery is that they have to be taken care of, because of not, that coating of sparkle and shine might chip off. Might get damaged. And there's nothing quite as heartbreaking.

If you were a colour,
what would you be?


(Hey Babydoll, I didn't forget like your dumb boyfrannnn - Happy Birthday gorgeous :) I love you infinity on high)

Fingertips Playing The Sidewalk Melody as I Confidently Hide From Myself :)

Today I turned 16 years old.
And I feel no different from the way I felt yesterday.
The thing about birthdays is
they don't change anything.
They're just a way of marking the years.
Just a measurement.

It's what happens between birthdays that really counts for something.



The day itself?
Irrelevant.
It's really not any different from any other day.
Who goes all the way downtown to see a movie and then comes home?
Me that's who, because it's my birthday I do what I want.

Well not really.
but that's my excuse.

So,
expectations - were they lived up to?

Do you know what album I got yesterday?
The Enema of the State.

Do you know what song I heard for the first time today?
Going Away to College

change or growth -
should I be scared or excited?
How will things be different and why
am I thinking about it now?




Birthday 2011:
The one thing
I didn't know I wanted
but find myself
not missing, but regretting,

"Happy Birthday, Ninja of Thunderrrrrrrrrrrr,"
sings the brown-eyed boy over
the glow of candles
stuck in the green frosting
of the cake he made me.


I'm not ninja of thunder
red haired wonder,
brilliant mind,
one of a kind,
writer's heart,
and that's just the start -

anymore.

Happy birthday Macy.
Things are being hidden from you.
And you know what they are.










Hey slut,
I love you beans, cheese, lamebrain, co-captain of our little failboat.
and in a month and two days,
you'll get a blog and an epic letter on your wall (:
My pocket is full of sour skittles,
ya want some?
I'll see you soon ma cheri.
Muah <3

Health Class 2010

Inked-over stars and painted-on moons,
white tears of life the storm clouds will cry.
Endings bring joy to those who can see,
time is the only one never to die.

You don't belong with your head in the sky,
I don't belong with my feet on the ground.
He doesn't believe in happy endings;
she'll wait forever, not making a sound.

Dream beyond dream, the stars will untie
and the colors run down to pool in the sky.
The witch sings the hourglass trapped in his eye,
time is the only one never to die.

The Irony of Being Hit

the pain only last for a second or two before the world spins upside down
and then somehow I'm on the grass

and the realization of what just happened sinks in.

there's faces bending over me -

my elbows are bleeding and my ankle really hurts but I just keep saying I'm okay, I'm okay, DONT call anyone, until they let me stand up.

It's a little bit ironic.
because nothing has ever happened to me before when I walked alone at night.
except for the one night that I had to assure someone who was worried that I would be fine.

so I won't tell you not to worry anymore, I guess.
but your red butterfly is fine,
and she loves you.



my ankle hurts (>.<)

The Third Best Friday

Your gorgeous brown eyes are the last thing I see
before they disappear.

Then I know you're close
but I'm alone.

I

exit

the normal sphere
of time.

my vision is blurring.
my whole body
is

t i n g l i n g

and I want to ask
how are you doing that?

how are you doing that?
how are you doing that?

but at the moment
I can't bring my mouth to speak.

it's all I can do
to make sure it keeps breathing.

inhale oxygen
exhale sparks.

For My Babydoll

If you're ever talking and my eyes start to wander,
it's not because I don't care.
Its just, I've found another angle to your beauty
and it's really hard not to stare.

Stop it.
Just fucking stop it okay?
You're beautiful.
And not gonna lie,
when you say you're not you just sound like an idiot.
Stop it love.
You're gorgeous.

Like siriusly.
I'm gonna punch you ever time you say you're not
so that you STOP
because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen
INCLUDING Blair Childers and Karen Santos and Anna Demes XD

Yeah, Stephanie Duncan is pretty.
GUESS WHAT BABYDOLL
You're far prettier.

Everything about you is beautiful and adorable and it's the kind of cute where you literally want to put it into your mouth so your cheeks puff up

So you,
stfu ^-^ You're gorgeous.

PS: No one loves anything more than I love Darren Criss